i may be a failure now, but i will not be one forever.
i don't even think i can make it into the uni that day of release. i couldn't think properly. the whole world came crashing into me. i've disappoint my parents and myself. teachers who think i can't do it are right. sometimes i start to think, just let me die in my sleep or what, at least i don't have to go through all these shit. i don't want to wake up anymore, i'm such a turn off.

but all the above only make me sound like a loser, a coward. I promised myself not to give up hope. I WON'T GIVE UP. i failed this time, i try HARDER next year. even if i'm stupid, i believed that hardwork can put me through. i am trying all means all alternatives available and AFFORDABLE. it's ok if u mock at me now, because i will stand up even stronger to prove u wrong. i know action speaks louder than words, and now i'm a failure at this point in time, but i will not let history repeat. 我会成功的。 believe me. though talking about all these now is just plain rubbish, but this failure really taught me a lesson. i should not think of any other things for now, including relationship, but only to focus on my studies. i know i can do it, because i have very wonderful family supporting me no matter what i do, and my beloved friends who stood by me all these while. though not alot, though they did not say anything, but i think that's enough.. at least i know YOU PEOPLE care! i will not fail a second time. this is hard and painful enough. i will stand up NOW, and do what i think will suit me best. throw away the shame, throw away the ego. i don't care how u look at me, how u mock at me, i must say, i MUST and MUST succeed. it certainly took me a whole 4 days to come back to sense, to think for my future, to dry those teary eyes, at least i've tried.. it's NOT shameful to have lousy grades, it's shameful to become a prostitute, to cheat, to jail, to sink into depression when u fail. i'm not finished, the future begins now, so give me all ur luck, i want to stand up strong and firm again. please, help me get out of this shit. i really want to thank my girls, esp rose and ah ting, who had encouraged and helped me all along, i need ur help, i need u to believe that i can do it, it's means a lot to me, really. also big big thanks to HUIZHI! i may not have told u before, but u are really a gem. a friend who did the extra mile in helping me get a job, helping me with all those lil lil things that give me a lot of hope in getting into uni, and also, believing in me! i am really lucky to know u and have u as my best friend in my jc life. thanks zhi! we must believe in ourselves yeah? u're hardworking and clever, u shall make it big one day! i believe u can! i retake my a's this year, though i don't have 100% confidence i can do it this time, i will definitely put in 200% hardwork to make their jaws drop! i've wasted time and money, i'm going to waste one more year, but fret not, i will make it this time. 我要做打不死的咸蛋超人！加油了晓晶！